That’s what’s hard. I’d rather attempt re-writing the Iliad in Spanish. Two weeks ago, my lovely wife and I decided we had enough of looking at ourselves dominating the edges of the mirrors in our places, and we’d do something about it. So…today marks the two-week line for out little adventure, and guess what. YOU folks get to hear me work my fumbling way through this crap.
Week one was actually kinda great. I felt good psychologically, knowing that we were doing something to improve and lengthen our lives. So we weighed each other, went to the store and bought all kinds of fruit, veggies, low- and no-fat this and that, didn’t buy any sweets, other than those little 100-calorie thingies for when you can’t stand it, a couple cases of bottled water so we could keep track of our agua intake, and off we went.
And it went very well. I monitored my caloric intake each day, only broke the rules once, as a conscious treat to myself, and on Tuesday week last, discovered I had carved a blessed 6 pounds. Now, at this juncture, I’ll even tell you that I started at 231. Ugh. It’s still incredible to me that I’ve reached that plateau…or should I say depth. Now, in order for you to know just how disgusted I am, you should also know that for years, I was in prime shape. Played racquetball four times a week, worked out, was 175 of pure, hard muscle…and yes, I mean it. Then came a son, a desk job, and the rest, as they say, is crap. Now, I don’t think 175 is a realistic number any more. With age comes natural thickening. But, I’m determined to break 200, and go from there.
So anyway, needless to say, I was jazzed Tuesday last. Then came today…and I knew I hadn’t lost much. And I was right. One pound. Can you freakin’ beLIEVE that? I’ve eaten so much salad I’m starting to hop instead of walk and my front teeth are starting to protrude, so much fruit, I see a tree and am compelled to climb it. I haven’t had a bowl of ice cream, a cookie, or a freakin’ donut in 14 solid days, and how do I get repaid? One pound.
Wait! I have it…tell you what. I know how to make myself feel better.
Hey everyone! Last week I lost 453.59237 grams! Whaddaya think o’ that shit?
That’s alright though..that’s okay..because now it has me pissed off. You don’t want to piss me off. It’s on now…and guess what? You lucky wretches get to hear me talk about it. Each and every Tuesday. Aren’t you happy you read this now?